My health problems didn’t end with the tendonitis. I was also clinically depressed and quietly ramping up a dependency on alcohol. Mental health is physical health, you get what you get, but the circumstances and my mindset and habits didn’t help. I saw all the blessings of my life: financial security, beautiful family, physical safety, and privilege- and I was ashamed that I couldn’t fix my injuries or at times control my temper. I would find myself ruminating daily on how much beer was in my fridge and then ruminate on my rumination. I was worried about how much I looked forward to the nightly “reward” even though it had turned into something far from rewarding. I was weary of my tendonitis. It stressed me out living with pain and no hope of recovery and I missed doing the stuff that I loved.

I thought that running would help, but couldn’t get past the IT band, and didn’t muster up the motivation to find a solution. I gave up and spent another year toiling with my injury, depression, and addiction.

Eventually I had a new idea. What if I got myself in really kick ass shape? Could I get so strong that my tendonitis would be cured? I needed a different routine, something that would address the IT band issue, and that didn’t involve training through pain. I needed to stop trying to do so much and let my body rest at times. But to do this I would have to change my mentality that I had to put in 80 hours at home. I needed to give myself permission to dedicate time to real self-care. Self-care to me had been delicious food, local beer, and binge-watching Netflix. I decided to dedicate time to rest and to focus on the most effective self-care there is, regular exercise.

Spoiler alert. It worked. Running gave me my life back. It was a gradual process where I discovered that consistent training can create massive changes over time. To create consistency, I had to change my expectations of what a workout should feel like. It's ok to walk, to start easy and slow. I also learned to listen to my body to both give it rest and to find new ways to do tasks that hurt.

I built my training around two activities.

1. Hybrid run / walk three times a week
2. Beginner yoga YouTube three times a week

I remembered the run / walk strategy from when I was connected to the running community as a young adult. Friends returned from injury by alternating running with walking. If my IT band bothers me after running half a mile, why don’t I just run less than half a mile at a time? So I gave it a try. I alternated between 5 minutes walking and 5 minutes running for 25 minutes.

I did this for a month, 3 days a week, rain or shine and my knee felt… fine, completely normal. As for the tendonitis, my arms and joints actually felt good while I ran, and pretty decent for an hour or so after running. It wasn’t a recovery, but it was a relief from chronic pain. And I started to pinpoint the daily tasks that caused me the most discomfort and experiment with new ways of doing tasks as simple as opening a car door.

I wanted to add non-cardio exercise to my routine. If I was going to get in "kick-ass shape" I'd need to cross train. I had experience weight lifting but my tendons couldn’t handle anything that strenuous. I looked into yoga. I had thought I couldn’t do yoga because I wasn’t flexible. It was off my radar but I was so desperate to feel better I decided to give it a try.

So on my non-run days, I explored the YouTube yoga world. Surprise, surprise, it’s deep! It took some experimenting to see what I could manage, but I learned that responding to your body is a big part of practicing yoga. I found the most relief from yoga that strengthened my core and improved my hip, back, and torso flexibility. I discovered that yoga has much in common with strength training. Both flexibility and strength are non-innate qualities, they are each improved by practice. I had been dead wrong considering my body inflexible.

I kept running and gradually worked my way up. I never pushed it. Each run, I told myself, lets take it easy and just want to go on another run later this week. No injuries. No pushing myself to exhaustion. After a month of 5 minute interval run / walk I made the running periods a little longer and stuck to that routine for another two weeks. Over the course of several months, I continued to gradually ramp up my running intervals until I only walked at the beginning and end of my runs. And I kept cross-training with beginner yoga on my off days.

It felt good to run. The relief from pain was one thing, but the act itself was exciting. As my endurance increased, I could run farther and farther around my neighborhood and explore places I hadn’t been. I ran through the campus of the local college for the first time. I plodded my way up hills to discover new views of town. Running was something new to look forward to, that made my body actually feel good, and didn’t have any guilt associated with it. I still drank beer every night and struggled with the habit. The physical affect to my body was bad, and the shame and worry that I had a problem was a major source of anxiety. Even still my life was improving in big ways from the regular exercise.

The running and yoga started to change me. Each week I felt more limber and stronger. I found I could move my in new ways that felt gentler on my tendonitis. For example, I could squat and get closer to a cabinet to grab a pot, rather than leaning over and overextending to reach it. I started to feel some hope. If I had made this gradual but real progress, I didn’t see any reasons why I couldn’t keep training until I reached the “kick ass shape” goal and rid myself of my tendonitis for good.

After training for three months I had an impulsive thought. What if I quit drinking for a couple of weeks? Just to see how I felt? I felt emboldened by my training and the idea of no beer was so alien it had an appeal as a new adventure or challenge. So I switched to O’Doul's and stocked my freezer with ice cream and went for it. I won’t get into the details of how hard it was but I never could have done it without running. Running gave me the confidence to even try. It gave me a new activity to look forward to. It gave me hope that my body could be healthy again, that I could fill my life with all of the fun and salubrious activities I had been missing and ditch the habits that had been hurting me.

So I quit. After a couple of weeks of sobriety, my brain felt different, like a fog had lifted. A spell that had clouded my decisions was gone. The absence of the daily impulse to drink felt so strange and wonderfully liberating. With new clarity I understood that I should quit drinking forever, not just a couple weeks. I had tried countless times to cut back and always, always failed, but I succeeded with abstinence. So I kicked that habit to the curb along with any ideas to try to consume in "moderation".

I also found professional help for my depression. I treated it like I would any other illness and went to my doctor. We worked out treatment plan built around regular exercise. Getting help was the right move. I still have to manage the symptoms, but as long as I follow my plan, depression doesn't alter my life or what I can do.

Half a year into the yoga and running I became more comfortable pushing myself. As long as I started each run very, very slowly, I could complete some really fun runs. I expanded my running territory to the forests and mountains in and around my city. I still kept my goal, want to run again. I never dramatically increased my distance and I paid attention to how my body felt. I didn't have to "give it my all" so I didn't think twice about walking up a hill, or stopping to enjoy nature. Trail running became my passion.

I ended up in pretty close to "kick ass shape", if I may say so. Certainly in the best conditioning of my life. Daily life became more and more comfortable and the tasks that used to hurt, felt OK. At times I would overdo something (like stirring a stubborn jar of natural peanut butter, I am not joking) and feel my tendons "push back", so I'd stop and rest for a couple of days. I had learned to listen to my body and trust that it would get better with rest. And I started to get more active with my kids playing soccer, tossing a football, playing catch, hoops... as long as I had done my yoga and didn't overdo it, I could handle it.

There wasn't a moment where I was cured. After a couple years I took account of my life and decided I was not limited in what I could do. I probably shouldn't try kite surfing, but all of the tasks of my day, sports with my kids, paddle boarding, yard work... I could handle it. I have re-aggravated the injury a few times, but each time I've successfully rehabbed it with ice, rest, and stretching.

If you've made it to the end of my story, thank you. Running changed my life and I found a perspective on running and training that can help anyone wanting to incorporate exercise into their lives. Nothing is as good for you as regular exercise. Running Kindness is my platform for helping others. Send me a message and tell me how I can help you train, or share your story. If you want to know more about the Running Kindness philosophy, check out the basics page. If you are ready to change your life, learn the easiest way to run regularly with the Running Kindness training plan. Much love to everyone.